March 11, 2007

STAGES in Christian Dating/Courtship Relationship

Posted in Christian Dating, Courtship, Engagement, Love, Marriage, Patience at 3:44 pm by belovedheart

There is a progression that should take place in building a Christian dating relationship. The following is offered as a short Christian dating guide for Christian singles to consider as they build a Christian dating relationship.

(Note: As soon as I say Christian dating guide, every single Christian reading this will think they are an exception and the timing noted does not apply to them. Yes – it does! One of the strangest phenomenons that I have observed is that singles dating behavior is more common than most of us think. I encourage you to not look for the “exception” but where you can build the type Christian dating relationship that will serve you and your partner well for years to come.)

FANTASY STAGE: 1 – 6 months

1. There is an attraction to each other and Christian singles immediately (or soon thereafter) think they have found their soul mate. Candidly, there is really little more in the Christian dating relationship during this stage than “physical attraction”.
2. There is a temptation for Christian singles to begin saying, “I love you” during this fantasy stage. What the expression really is saying is – “I am in love with the idea of being in love” AND “I really think you are the answer for ME”! It is mostly self-serving.
3. The emphasis should be upon enjoying each other’s company and building a FRIENDSHIP and refraining from going any further.
4. After 2 to 3 months of this type of dating and it is mutually agreed, the Christian dating relationship can move into an exclusive dating arrangement. This should be mutually agreed to and clearly understood by both Christian singles.
5. It is very important that each person have their own accountability group of their own gender. The progress of the Christian dating relationship should be shared so that their objectivity and accountability can be a valuable resource to the couple.

AFFIRMING STAGE: 6 – 12 months

1. Once a couple is satisfied that there is something to take to the next level, the couple should develop a plan in how they can best get to know each other in “real settings” not just in Christian dating situations. This plan will include such things as spending time around family and close friends to enable each other to see how the other person builds and sustains all relationships.
2. I do not suggest that the couple spend all their time together at this stage. It is a temptation to do so, but I suggest that it is actually unhealthy for the Christian dating relationship. Our emotions need to “grow” into this type of deep Christian dating relationship. Pushing the pace causes areas of each other’s character to not be observed. For example: Can the couple enjoy their alone time as well as their together time? If not, what is the “force” at play that is “pushing”? This often means that a healthy bonding is not taking place and the emphasis is upon self-satisfaction in this Christian dating relationship.
3. It is very important to look for CHARACTER issues in each other during this stage of Christian dating. Give yourself enough time and enough settings where character issues can surface. Why is this important? Individuals can “mask” character issues for an extended period of time – especially a few months during the fantasy period of Christian dating. But character is the foundation upon which commitment is built. Character does not change just because one gets married. You need to know “what they are really like” before you move into a marital relationship.

PRE-ENGAGEMENT STAGE: 1 to 2 years

1. The couple has spent a good deal of time building their Christian dating relationship. They mutually agree that this relationship has the great potential of moving into marriage. It is important that there be a “pre” engagement period of time. There is no set time frame for a pre-engagement period. It is more important that the process be completed than the time completed.
2. Marital inventories and temperament sorting should be taken at this stage. These are a wonderful means of finding out which areas you are really in “sync” and where you are apart. It serves as a basis for building the Christian dating relationship into as healthy a one as possible BEFORE marriage. (I highly recommend the inventories developed by Dr. David Olson that can be found at http://www.lifeinnovations.com. There are many counselors who can provide Christian singles with insights into the results found in these inventories. The Myers-Briggs temperament sorting is another excellent source of information that each person should know about themselves and each other.)
3. At least 4 sessions should be spent with a Christian counselor who is trained in pre-marital counseling. It would be especially helpful to take the inventories mentioned above to the counselor for their input.
4. It is very important that the couple receive affirmations from family and friends during this stage. If they do not (unless there is a good reason), the couple should take the time to listen to the concerns and take steps to ensure that they are embracing and working through them.

ENGAGEMENT STAGE:

1. Once a couple arrives at the point that they “know” that they want to be married and have all the affirmations that they can receive, they can move from the Christian dating stage with confidence into the engagement stage.
2. I do not recommend a prolonged engagement once the couple decides to get married. If they have done the process in a “seasoning” manner, they should plan to marry as practical – with mutual agreement. I say this so that pre-marital sex will not be a temptation.

MARRIAGE STAGE:

The couple should be able to enjoy the blessings of God as well as family and friends as they move into a marriage that has been well planned and confirmed in a healthy process. They can be assured that they have taken the steps to assure a long and satisfying marriage.
There are so many voices at play in our world today. Many of these encourage us to rush into marriage with anyone as soon as we find a strong attraction. This is not wise and God wants to mature you in your Christian dating and bonding process. It is my prayer that Christian singles will use the above to develop their own Christian dating guide for building a strong and satisfying relationship.

Source : (excerpt from the Article “Christian dating: what are the
“NORMAL” stages in dating for Christian singles?”
)

 

Thanks for visiting my Blog!

I would like to share this Inspiring Application with you.

Change your LIFE Personally & Financially!

Easy, Simple and Fun Life-Changing Videos in the App

Please click —>>> Inspired Living Application

Viral Growth – Don’t Wait!

 

Have a great day & be blessed!

Beloved Heart :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~oOo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

About these ads

122 Comments »

  1. Wellness said,

    Hey

    I was surfing the web and i saw this site, pretty cool.
    Currently im running and adult site:Wellness
    k, just want to say hi :)
    Can i link you from my site? im looking for quality content like yours. If no let me know if i can add u in exchange for a montly fee or something.

    • oluseye said,

      i just want to know how it goes

  2. belovedheart said,

    Hello Wellness! Thank you for visiting & posting such nice comment! You are most welcome to link “Our Christian Friendship Journal” to your site. It is indeed my pleasure to share my blog freely for others to read & hopefully they will be able to find one or two informations or encouragements here. My heart & prayer is that this journal will be a blessing to many readers. Have a wonderful day & may God bless you & your website richly in every way!

    Blessings,
    Belovedheart

  3. Can't Say said,

    Hi,

    I am in a relationship and have been for the last 2years. Okay, so my partner has lately been talking about purchasing homes, and looking at homes, but he doesn’t talk “engagement” or “marriage” with me. But in our case, you can’t live with each other before marriage… i don’t get it. Also, i am finding myself wondering if i really, really love him or if i just like him and if he’s the one, or if our marriage will be boring, even thought i know i love him, maybe i don’t? See, i think i love him, i think i KNOW i love him, but then why would i be wondering about all this?

    Please get back to me with some insight. If you’re going to say “I don’t think you are really in love and if you get married, it wont last” please don’t actually say that.

    I think i am thinking all these things cause i want to get married soonish and nothing seems to be coming from his end so i am curious as to wear it’s all going..

    God Bless

    Can’t Say

    • Stacy said,

      Cant’ Say:
      I hear you loud and clear. It could be that he is talking about buying a home because his next step IS to ask you to marry him.

  4. belovedheart said,

    To Can’t Say: Thank you so much for visiting! I am glad that this post can be of help to you concerning your current relationship. There are THREE important things to note when one decides to settle down & that is: One should MARRY the RIGHT PERSON, for the RIGHT REASON at the RIGHT TIME. I would also like to recommend you to check out my post about “The Four-fold Purpose of MARRIAGE” & “How to HEAR from God” for some enlightenment. My prayer for you is that you will take time to SEEK God’s WILL for your LIFE through PRAYING & READING of His Word the BIBLE so that you will KNOW what to do. I also pray that God will bless you with an OBEDIENT HEART to follow His leading so that He can move you in forward direction to His WONDERFUL PLAN & PURPOSE for your LIFE..

  5. The Lord's delight said,

    I have been in a relationship for about two years now and my patner has brought up the topic of marriage. I love him and I think our relationship has the potential for a successful marriage. However, at the moment, we both work in different countries. He wants to get married next year and at the same time I am supposed to start a PhD in one of the best universities in the world next year. This has come on a platter of gold. Not only will i not have to pay fees, i will be paid for the entire duration of the programme. I prayed before I applied for it, asking God not to give it to me if it wasnt his will and I got the scholarship. However, if i take this up that will mean three more years apart. He says its ok and we can get married during the Phd and have a long distance marriage for the duration of my PHD but im a bit hesitant. I wonder if im being too ambitous? But I know that after the euphoria of marriage wears off, we will both still desire to pursue our dreams and destiny so this is truly a once in a lifetime opportunity. What do you think is the right thing to do?

    • Marsha said,

      I am a christian, never married, early 40’s and I was wondering can you be physically intimate but not have actual sex with someone who is saying that they only want to date you, suggesting some kind of exclusivity. I have been intimate a few times with this person, but not have had actual sex. I felt guilty teh first few time, but I just don’t know. I have waited a long time to get married so I do want things to go quickly if I meet someone that I am compatible with which is rare, plus I want kids and I don’t have a lot of time left to do that considering my age. I hope someone can advise me. This person is fine to not have actual sex or even get really intimate I am teh one that has let things go so further. I tell him I need to back off but when we are together things just progress to a point and then I stop in the middle of it. Where does the line get drawn? Is kissing ok? Is body contact ok. Neither of us are kids. I am confused. I am a recommitted christian so this is sort of new for me. thanks! i don’t want to disobey God or not be under his blessings.

      • Sharon said,

        Hi Marsha. The first problem I see is that you have turned marriage into an idol. God is supposed to be first in your life. You need to be at a place with God that if He so desires not to give you a husband, you should be happy with that. But chances are, you will end up married. There are not many people out there who make being a Christian single a career…lol.

        Going by what I’m reading from your post, there is a lot of lust involved and that is not of God. You’re showing a lack of patience and anxiety about your life. You need to pray for patience and ask God what you should do. First, you should repent, turn away from what you’re doing, and evaluate your relationship with the Lord and break up with this guy.

        You need to stop asking where does the line get drawn. That’s the problem with us Christians. Instead of asking ourselves what the Bible says about this behavior, you’re wondering how far you can go before you fornicate. That’s not good and it does not honor God. I say this because I’ve sort of been where you are. I’m a 30 year-old virgin but I’ve still gone farther than I should have gone with guys. There are just some things that are reserved for marriage and that does include french kissing. Many people don’t agree with that and I didn’t either at one point but as you mature in Christ and you want to do the will of God, you open your eyes to what the Word is truly saying and not just what you want to see.

        You need to break off this so-called relationship. If that man is for you, he will come back around. If he does not have a strong relationship with the Lord then you shouldn’t be bothered with him anyway. Trust me on what I have said.

  6. Thanks for sharing. This is great stuff!

    I haven’t dated in years, but I can certainly remember my disastrous past when I was dating the world’s way. Not good at all. As a Christian single, it’s refreshing to know that there is good, godly advice available to guide me if and when I do start dating again.

    Another excellent resource on dating and waiting God’s way is a book I just read called “When Love’s In View: Finding Focus in Dating and Relationships,” by Dr. Conway and Jada Edwards. Check out the “In the Spotlight” section on my blog–www.genikwawilliams.wordpress.com–for more information on this book.

    Thanks again and God bless you!

    Firmly In His Grip,
    Genikwa

  7. [...] STAGES in Christian Dating/Courtship Relationship [...]

  8. Nick said,

    Thank for such a wonderful site i like it.
    I m in christian relation with a lady whom intend 2 marry we hve engaged for an year is ok for us to go into marriage by next year August.
    Thank you and God bless for good work

  9. amoah j said,

    please send me a detailed notes on courtship and the age at which one can enter into courtship.

  10. James Morice said,

    Hi, I have a situation where there is a woman I am attracted to that attends our small group bible study on Friday nights that just moved down from New York. I have already sought 4-5 brothers in Christ & 1 elder in our church about asking this woman out to have some pizza & get to know her. (Either with a friend of hers OR me & her in a public setting.) She just moved here about 2 months ago & I have had only 1 opportunity to talk to her outside of a small group setting – it was a Christmas party on Dec 20th. I spoke with our facilitator of the group & he told me to wait & pray for 2 months & see if God will reveal to me if this woman may be my wife. I know God opened my heart to desiring to meet someone & I am willing to wait to tell her what’s been on my mind, but since I feel in “limbo” about her mutual attraction towards me, I am bottled up with my thoughts. After talking with an additional 3-4 sources of counsel, I feel it may be the right thing to just ask her this Friday is she is interested in getting to know me as I am interested in her, just to get it off my mind. (I don’t mind if she is not interested, I just don’t want to be in limbo & have this weird/akward feeling about her “maybe” being interested in me or not. I have felt quite akward not telling her what’s been on my mind (of course, while guarding my heart)

    Any suggestions?

    James

  11. carol said,

    I am 29 years old and I have recently in the last month gotten back in contact with an old boyfriend I dated 3 and a half years ago. A lot has changed with each of us in the last 3 and a half years. Such as we both have matured and grown closer in our relationship with the lord. We have gone out a few times together in the last month. And I attended his church this past sunday. I am wondering how can I tell if we are dating without coming out and asking. And also who should be the one in the relationship to decided when to hold hands. I can’t help but think if God has given us a second chance at dating each other for a reason.

    In Christ,
    Thanking God for a second chance

  12. Michael said,

    Most time we discover that someone you have in mind may turn you down for one reason or the other after some time of friendship or relationship.we need courage to overcome such incident in life.But christains should alwats be glad in the spirit because some of this disappointment may be blessing in reality for your good

  13. emmanuel said,

    well this is wonderful, i will like to get weekly subscriptions on this.

    • vicky said,

      not as so much but with blessings from God, do you deem it right to love as a christian with being selfish even to the leading of the Holy Spirit? do u fear in love? do u forgive in love even before the person askes for forgiveness? no one could ever be better than you except you.

  14. twitike said,

    thank God for the website it has really been of help to me

    God bless you all

  15. Alex said,

    Hi, i just browsed through and its been a blessin. I’v learnt alot. God Bless

  16. Peter said,

    It’s been a great walk through this write up. In recent times I’ve not read real stuffs like this. God bless you and your ministry. How can I get involved with this good work? I mean blessing hearts especially teens and young adults in this issues.

  17. Adam Smith said,

    I also love this writing. I have a question though…do you think it is possible for the two Christian singles to move through any of the stages separately? (i.e. one may be at the end of the fantasy stage, while the other is starting the affirming stage). This is just a curiosity question, I would be inclined to say no. Thanks!

    • belovedheart said,

      Hello Adam,

      Thank you for dropping by…
      I believe that it could be possible…but the most important is both their hearts are submitted to our Lord God Heavenly Father… and both of them are seeking His WIll…being sensitive to the Holy Spirit’s leading….and lots of prayers….I believe God will make it clear and confirm…if both will seek for Him first with all their hearts…

      In Christ,
      Belovedheart

      I visited your website and find beautiful songs that I have also been searching for….keep it up and God bless you richly!

      • Sharon said,

        Amen!

  18. Akatukwatsa Paul said,

    Thanks for availing us such an opportunity

  19. DANIEL OLUWATOSIN said,

    HI,
    LOVE UR SITE, BUT I WANT TO ASK A QUESTION, HOW WILL YOU KNOW AND WHAT CONVICTION DO U HAVE TO BE SURE YOU ARE WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER GOD HAS CHOOSEN FOR YOU

    • belovedheart said,

      Hello Daniel!

      Thank you for dropping by….
      God is a loving God and He cares for His children….
      for those of us who have desires to get married…we pray to Him and ask for His blessing & favor to be upon us…..we seek His perfect will for us….and await for God’s leading & guidance…..

      God wants the very BEST for you….

      There are a few notes that we can take from the teachings of the Bible….the first & foremost is the person we should marry should be of the same faith with us…..

      “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” 2 Corinthians 6:14 (NIV)

      Please find some of the link below and hope it will give you some insigths concerning the RIGHT PARTNER God has chosen for you…

      1) Does God Promise You a Spouse? http://belovedheart.wordpress.com/2009/07/10/does-god-promise-you-a-spouse/

      2) Are You ready for Marriage?

      http://belovedheart.wordpress.com/2007/03/11/are-you-ready-for-marriage/

      3) What is God’s Purpose for Marriage?

      http://belovedheart.wordpress.com/2007/09/08/what-is-gods-purpose-of-marriage/

      I hope and pray that this has helped….

      In Christ,
      Belovedheart

    • Sharon said,

      To Daniel:

      The key is knowing God’s voice. The same way God speaks to you about other things in your life, He will speak to you the same way in regards to relationships.

      If you are feeling anxiety about a person or you’re not at peace, then something is wrong. When God is moving in a potential relationship, you won’t have any problems being patient. Instead, you will continue to seek Him in prayer as to what His will is for your life.

      Plus, you need to ask yourself and God if you’re ready to be in a relationship. Just because the desire is there does not mean you’re ready. Since you’re obviously a man, are you spiritually ready to settle down? Are you obedient to God and His Word? Is your life in order? Can you afford to take care of a family?

      Seek God in prayer but you must have a solid relationship with God first before you take on a wife. You have to be able to lead her spiritually. How can you do that if you’re not being obedient to God yourself?

  20. Raphael said,

    Hi,
    I am a single male and searching for a real soulmate who loves me for who i am rather than for what i am. I am kindly requesting if i could be getting regular subcriptions on relatioships and other encouraging articles on how to lead a o marally upright christian life.

    I am really fulfilled by this article, it gives strength and it’s uplifting.

  21. Raphael said,

    Hi,
    I am a single male and searching for a real soulmate who will love me for who i am rather than for what i am. I am kindly requesting if i could be getting regular subcriptions on relatioships and other encouraging articles on how to lead a morally upright christian life.

    I am really fulfilled by this article, it gives strength and it’s uplifting

  22. Philip Okogie said,

    Thanks so much for such a wonderful site dealing with a very important aspect of the life of the christian community. God Bless you richly.

  23. Alejandro said,

    This is very nice, but I notice it does not have a single reference to the Bible. Can you kindly make some references to passages in the scripture that may support this concept of Christian dating?

    • belovedheart said,

      Hello Alejandro!

      I found this Article in a Christian Site and I think it is very helpful thats why I posted it here on my website….as for your request I believe the writer Dr. Jim Reves can best address it and give the scriptural support for his concept on Christian dating. Thank you!

      Ps; click on the source at the end of the article for the link to the writer’s website….

  24. kizito said,

    am confuse on the woman i want to marry. i am in a relationship with a lady but am confuse that i wont marry her because my parent says she is a poor girl.the lady also has a vision to become someone successful in life one day.i am also busy studying in the university to achieve my goal so we can marry,but i`m not all sure that our marraige will come to pass.i love the lady but my mind is not too much on her,but my goal.i assume that even if we break up i still have my goal to achieve. what should i do

    • Sharon said,

      Kizito,

      I didn’t hear you mention anything about God in your post. That’s the one major mistake that singles(those not married) make. Your center focus is supposed to be on deepening your relationship with God and not worried about necessarily getting married, especially when you haven’t finished accomplishing your goals and bettering yourself.

      The “confusion” you’re feeling is simply lack of peace. If you are doing God’s will, you will not be confused because God is not the author of confusion. You and this girl need to be friends right now and let God handle the rest. If it’s meant for you to marry her, you will. Otherwise, stop stressing and go to God in prayer. If you are not at peace, then something is wrong.

  25. Carmen brew said,

    Hello,
    I am 21 and I have been in a relationship for 6 months now! We have known eachother for awhile now. We were in relationships with other people but I knew in the back of my mind that there was something about him that I wanted…. being confused and being in a 4 year relatonship with someone else I gave my situation to God! I prayed that God would give me a sign if the relationship I was in wasn’t his plan and he knows my heart and to lead me where he wants me to be….. shortly after my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me and (current boyfriend) broke up with his girlfriend…. we didn’t speak at this time so I honestly felt that God was giving me a sign! We didn’t rush into a relationship didn’t talk about one we just spent time together and started over! Well after 4 months we gave it a title its 6 months later and on Thanksgiving he said that he wants to get engaged if we can hold out on sex for a year…… and after that year he will purpose to me! Before this we did slip up and have sex…. we tried many times to not do it but one time lead to many! I believe it will work… and its what. Want but I want to staart praying together as a couple! I need a prayer that will give us strength to hold out and give ourselves completely to God!

    • Sharon said,

      It sounds like both of you are weak in your relationship with God. The fact that you stayed in a previous relationship for 4 years is quite disturbing. I’m assuming you were not a Christian at that time. The two of you need to break up and assess your relationship with God because He is who comes first and not the two of you. Many Christians who date seem to always want to push the envelope. “Hmmm, I wonder how far we can go without having sex?” This is a trick of Satan and many fall into that trap. The two of you have soul ties now and you may not even end up getting married. Frankly, you have tainted and possibly derailed the progress of your relationship.

      If neither one of you are in the position to get married, then you really shouldn’t even be considering it. If that man cannot take care of you spiritually, emotionally, and financially, then the two of you should NOT be in a relationship. And now that the two of you have soul ties, it will be 10 times harder to break up.

      You don’t need signs from God. You need to go to His Word and look it up for yourself. Once you get your life focused on God and filled with the Holy Spirit, you will hear His voice too telling you what you should and should not be doing. Right now, you’re hearing your own voice and it will keep you in sin. Don’t even think about praying as a couple. You can pray FOR each other but not together. That is way too intimate. You should be praying as individuals. If your lifestyles don’t line up with the Bible then you guys have problems. You need to split up and focus on God. Then if God feels you two belong together, He will orchestrate the match.

      What I’m saying may sound a bit harsh but it’s the truth. God wants to spare you heartache.

      • The Grace of God Moves Mountains said,

        Sharon,

        I have one suggestion being that you are a 30 year old virgin, I would assume that you are currently not married. I think that it would be more appropriate for a married couple to give advice about marriage since you have not experienced that stage in your life yet.

        In a lot of your responses to people if they slip up I constantly see that you are saying that they need to break up with that person and get closer to God. What makes you think that they are not already pursuing God to the max of their potential given their personal circumstances?

        One of the biblical examples that I hold near and dear to my heart is Abraham and Sarah. God spoke into their lives about having a son, and despite Abraham’s relationship with Hagar, God still blessed him with Issac through Sarah. I believe that our God is merciful, he is a God of covenant who sees the heart of man. In the bible it says “Abraham believed God and it was account to him as righteousness.” Despite Abraham’s short comings through out the bible he is still known as our Father through faith and we are known as his seed as beleivers.

        As believers, we are not going to be perfect, we may strive for perfection but, we are still sinners that need the loving grace of Jesus Christ daily. What God has for you is for you. God loves us so much that despite what we did yesterday, today, or tomorrow his purpose for us stays the same.

        I believe God’s purpose is bigger than our sin, life and circumstances. If you have fornicated and know that God has consecrated you to be together with your current spouse, as his children we have a right to come boldly to his throne of grace to receive forgiveness.Does that mean we should continue in fornication? No, but it does mean that your sin has already been paid for and that you should not feel condemned. God’s design is for marriage. For all the couples out there I say, do your best to get prepared for that stage of your life. That spouse is a blessing from God. God’s love is sufficient enough to move you from the stages of uncertainties in your life through his loving grace into purpose for his Glory.

        In the covenant of marriage religiousness cannot live because it is the ultimate example of Christ and his Church. Could you imagine where the church would be right now if he banned us from his presence because we may fall into sin? There would be no body of Christ because his word says ” For all have sinned and have come short of the glory of God.” The building of the relationship of marriage is one where God gets to manifest his glorious power through his love, mercy and abundant grace.

        In Love,

        Your Sister in Christ

  26. God is Love said,

    Hi,

    I’m 25 and im currently in a Relationship it will almost be 2 years, and we are at the preparation stage to get in engaged but finances are not as stable as we would like to get married soon after we get engaged rather then have a long engagement.

    In saying this we are both children of parents that are pastors and we are both music ministers but in different parts of the body of christ and we are very strong individuals especially when we are apart, but in the last year we have slipped a few times and we now have soul ties. Since then we don’t really spend time alone as we both have busy lives any way, we have tried to part and focus on individual but we have ended up together we know that we are strong enough to continue to finish gods work and to put him first.

    With both of us being musicians we are constantly on the road separately so some times when we do eventually meet up it can get a little heated from missing one another and im normally the first one to stop it because i can feel god pulling at my heart when its happening but i think i purposly ignore it.

    Today god has picked me up on a few things to work on and im seeking him for direction me and my partner have been through quite alot family, career and relationship wise. and we are at a stage NOW were we are not gonna focus so much on our relaitonship together but on our relationship with god because i know that once our relationship with god is on point then our relationship together will be stronger and as we hardly see each other any way that on our day offs to not rush to want to see each other but to focus and be prayerful for each other on those days.

    I find it amazing because we know what we need to do its just saying NO to the flesh on those weak days and that is what we are working on.

    I just want to know what your thought is on this.

    • Sharon said,

      Hi God Is Love. It appears that your heart is in the right place and you do consider God a priority. I think you and your boyfriend need to seek God in prayer and get some pre-marriage counseling. Remember what Paul said? He said it’s better to marry than to burn with passion. Even though you guys are apart a lot, I think you can still have a good marriage. At least you don’t have to worry about sexual immorality anymore. It may be more work for you as a married couple, but I wonder if you just go ahead and get married. Please pray and ask the older people who have been married for years.

      I hope you can find direction.

  27. Emmanuela said,

    learnt a lot of ur site,pls kip it up God bless u

  28. Emmanuela said,

    ur site is educative Kip it up and God bless

  29. azu emmanuel said,

    i am a boy of 19years of age and i am a christian living in Ghana and i want you to teach me more about Christ i like praying also and i need your assistance also in my prayer i want to also make friendship with you people all in the church as brothers and sisters. Thank you very much and may God bless you all Amen.

    • Alfred Kutor said,

      hey emmanuel. i am also a christian living in the us from Ghana. my name is Alfred Kutor. im from the aryee family. great to hear from another ghanian. i am in a campus ministry here in the U.S. i would love to share my love for God with you.

  30. DD said,

    Hi: I need some advice, I have just met a man at seminary and I was instantly attracted to him an absolute first for me and one I did not see coming…we went out for coffee the very next day and he spoke candidly about his childhood and then we found we like so many of the same things, desire to go to the same countries and both Love the Lord…I have had a very isolated walk of solitude with God and this man was a complete surprise, I had doubted that after all these years that there was someone for me, I had been married years ago and was unsaved, I was very young. I have been divorced for over 14 years and had resigned myself to a celibate, life, just serving God…then this man comes in. we have spent a lot of time together we text each other and stuff like that, we went for a coffee last week and he reached for my hand, so we walked and talked and laughed…then he walked me to my front door and he tried to kiss me and I turned away, because I was afraid….the next day we saw each other and I wanted to kiss him so we did, nothing major…we did not see each other for a few days but text each other and spoke on the phone, anyway now we kiss each other when we meet..we still laugh, and he makes me feel like a teenager…I told him I had not been in a relationship for over 14 years and he has not been in one for 5 years…he told me not to worry that everything will be alright…I am new to Christian dating and really like this man, are we on the right track?

    • Sharon said,

      Hi DD. You haven’t said how long you’ve known this man but by the way you’re talking, you’re rushing things. You shouldn’t be kissing him yet because the two you need to be platonic friends first. God may just be testing you to see how you would handle being in a relationship. Sometimes he allows men to come into our lives to see if we would slightly or majorly shift our focus from Him. You need to learn more about this new men because what I’ve learned is that people who call themselves Christians aren’t really Christians. You need to find out what this guy’s beliefs are in regards to premarital sex. I’ve seen women who have been celibate all of a sudden fall off the celibacy wagon and end up an emotional mess.

      Please be careful and seek God in prayer. Back off from this guy and let him know that you are moving too fast. The two of you for now may need to meet in a group setting until you get to know him a lot better. Please please be careful because I don’t like the way your post sounded.

      • godwalkwithme said,

        okay heres my thing and its scary. on and off now for a year and two months me and my friend have dated. we are not together now we were made to break up because we were moving to fast. we have since decided to get to know each other and pray about god leading us where god wants us he is 20 years old im 17. dont get me wrong yes there is a huge age difference but he has stated not before marriage on anything and needless to say i kinda did before i came to know god. my youth pastor asked us when the ‘date’ was. we were completely lost then he rephrased hisself he wants to know when well be married he said he knows itll happen fast. my boyfriend was kicked out last year because of me and he lives with the assistant pastor and his wife. hes mother does not like me due to my past mistakes but his father loves me. my entire family loves him. whats going on someone help me i still dont know if hes the one i dont know if gods trying to give us signs or what someone i need advice.

  31. Jen said,

    Hi,
    I am 18 year old young woman, and i have been praying for God to send me my husband, i was just wondering, Do you think I’m too young to be thinking about this. I really want to be married at some point in my life and i feel that God wants me to be married. thanks for your insight.

    • Sharon said,

      Hi Jen. Yes, you are way too young to be thinking about marriage. You need to go to college, get your career on track, learn to enjoy being single for a while, allow God to be the absolute center of your life, and then deal with the marriage idea. All these things take time and patience. I’m a 30 year-old virgin and I’m still waiting on God to bless me. I’m still tying up some loose ends in my life and He is tying up loose ends in my future husband’s life and that’s what you have to think about. Just serve God and worry about a husband later.

  32. mike said,

    I can’t seem to find any materials that focus on emotional connection or intimacy as the definition of dating. I’m trying to argue with my family and my son’s ‘girl friend’ that dating is subtle. Yes, certain actions happen, but it doesn’t require outings to be dating, nor sexual contact.

    We have said that our boys would not date all their lives, now my 18 year old is dating (in my mind). Exclusive relationship, deep communication, physical touch and closeness (sitting touching, hand holding, hugging, arm around), all day and night texting, frequent visits a week to see one another (in group or in our home). The emotions are much more than friends, so I think they are dating and thus in violation of our agreed path to marriage (through courting, when they are able to support a spouse and kids).

    Do you know of any resources that can help me explain and validate my point? I need understanding to change things, or I’m left with taking action to put an end to it and being hated by all.

    Signed,

    Concerned Dad….

    • Sharon said,

      Concerned Dad:

      Have they read the book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” by Joshua Harris? Then they need to follow up with his book “Boy Meets Girl”. These are two great books that focus on saving dating relationships for when you’re older, maturer, and have stronger spiritual foundation.

      Also remember though, kids are going to be kids. They often times have to experience things for themselves even if you try to protect them. If you’ve warned them, you’ve done your job. All you can do from that point is pray that God protects them.

  33. Elsa said,

    Hi

    I’m a 22 year old female. I’m in a relationship of 4 years, and already two years engaged. My fiance is 25 he’s my best friend, we love to spend time together and the last four years we were barely separated. I still live with my parents and he live’s with his friends in a flat. We both started varsity together, where we had met. I’ve finished my degree last year and started to work as a teacher, he has some difficult times this past years – uncertainty, depression etc. – that caused difficult times in our relatioship. He is still at varsity this year because he didn’t made subjects the previous years. I was fine with everything, and we desided as Christians to marry Desember 2010. We started to plan everything, set a date. Then he told me Sunday that he feels afraid to get married, but its not because of me. Its because marraige is such a big commitment and a lifelong promise. This hole situasion made me so confused, I don’t now what te feel or think i feel so inseqeur? Please let me now what you think of this situasion. I;m heartbroken and totally confused. PS: Sorry for the spelling I’m a South African and it’s not my home language.

  34. Mendel said,

    Hi, it’s really a blessing that in a perveeted generation as this, People that sticks to rightoesness and holiness abouns. big ups for this site. I’m 31 and i am in a relationship with a lady of 24 yrs old.our is a godly relationship, but i’ve kissed her like thrice, we’ve vowed no to have sex or sexual intimacy despite challenges till our wedding night. she is will finish college by next year. she says she isnt going to get married until after her masters programme which she will be doing in a faraway country for 2yrs, that means between her, me and marriage is 3yrs. i really live her and i feel the peace of God about the relationship because i have enever been in any, my convenant with God was that the woman he leads me to have a relationship with will end up being my wife.my fear is can i wait that long? how can the long distance relationship be sustained? what if i wait that long and she changes her mind? wouldn’t have been tantamount to wasted years

  35. LP said,

    Hi, I am a 27 y.o. male and I am currently in a 2+ mos relationship and I have accidently slipped the “I love ya” phrase and I am freaking out! I don’t want to move too fast and I would hate to have ruin any potential with this relationship. What can I do to assure that I keep myself level-headed and not fall into the trap of scaring her away? Should I address it or just let it go?

  36. Seun said,

    As i was surfing the internet I saw your wonderful rightp and i beleive you can be of help to me. Am in a relationship going to six plus, when we met each other I was unbeleiver but now have accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Saviour. Now I will give you details tommorrow bye for now

  37. Seun said,

    Am in a relationship going to six years plus now, the time we know each other I was a muslim but now av accepted Jesus as my personal saviour, since have been pursuing my career, now am OND holder, doing business and also working in an office but I still hope to further my education. My guy is a jealous type he doesn’t like me hanging around with female friends talkless of male friends. He is disturbing to do an introduction with him after that I should be under is roof that means be together, I refuse not until I achieve my dream.

    There was a day I went for a prayer I was told is the type that will not have one wife, the man said my future partner is around the corner that God will let me see him one day with prayer. av been dreaming of one man in my dream, he has all the qualities I want not being handsome but he is totally committed to Christ Jesus, that is the kind of man I want to stay with, He said in the dream that he loves me but I can’t say no, I woke up from my dream. pls tell me what to do now av told my guy to stay away for a while. i don’t no how to handle the situation

  38. Amos said,

    The article is nice, just that there are no biblical quotations for growing christian single to use as guide. As for the content, i think its Godly & should be adopted by singles who would like to biuld a Godly home.

  39. Kedi Moyo said,

    Hi Mam,

    Thanks so much for the site quite interesting and encouraging may God bless you richly.

  40. Alice said,

    Thanks for posting this content. I was searching the web for christian relationship advice then I came across this site. It’s more than what I was expecting. I will surely incorperate this advice with my future relationship! Thanks again. :-)

  41. kaizer said,

    Hi

    I just got saved recently, one of the ladies,she is born again,recruited me to church and there I got saved.Recently she just came to me and told me that evrytime she see me she feels happy, and I just said me too,and honestly I love her, she alwayz tell me samething when we meet. She is strongly entrenched in christ. Is God brewing something between us?

  42. lost and confused said,

    im a 17 yr old female. i know god will send me my husband i thought i found him but i guess i was wrong we had been together on and off for three years and i prayed and asked god if he wasnt the one move him outta my life. god is trying to move him now but yet i still feel like i love him. i want gods will but i have a problem giving up mine ive already been forwarned if i marry the guy im with their will be nothing but hell in my life i dont want a family like that he cant and wont keep a job now but i still feel like hes the one for me maybe its because deep down i feel like noone else will love me. what do you believe i should do.

    • Sharon said,

      @lost and confused

      17 is too young to be thinking about marriage. Your brain is still maturing and your likes and dislikes are changing. This is a time when you need to enjoy your life being single. Go to college and make a life for yourself. You really shouldn’t be worried about marriage until you are financially stable and spiritually mature.
      The man you hook up with should be obedient to God and able to take care of a wife. A good measuring stick to see if he can afford you is if you as a married couple would be still on easy street if you choose not to work and if the kids start coming. You should not go into a marriage financially distressed because that is the leading cause of divorce.

      You are still practically a child. Grow up first and grow into God, then get married.

      • lost and confused said,

        i want to graduate and try my best but it seems like when me and him continue to fight it would be much easier to be married we fight because he desires to be married within two years and i kinda do to. its just somewhere deep inside im not sure if hes the one

  43. lost and confused said,

    how will i know if i found him ive prayed and fasted but i keep coming back to him and lastnight ar church a prophet spoke peace to our relationship

  44. lost and confused said,

    this would be a better way to let you know more of whats going on

    okay heres my thing and its scary. on and off now for a year and two months me and my friend have dated. we are not together now we were made to break up because we were moving to fast. we have since decided to get to know each other and pray about god leading us where god wants us he is 20 years old im 17. dont get me wrong yes there is a huge age difference but he has stated not before marriage on anything and needless to say i kinda did before i came to know god. my youth pastor asked us when the ‘date’ was. we were completely lost then he rephrased hisself he wants to know when well be married he said he knows itll happen fast. my boyfriend was kicked out last year because of me and he lives with the assistant pastor and his wife. hes mother does not like me due to my past mistakes but his father loves me. my entire family loves him. whats going on someone help me i still dont know if hes the one i dont know if gods trying to give us signs or what someone i need advice.

  45. Çelma said,

    Thank you for this website and all the posts on it. I’m a young christian lady and have choosen to live my life according to Gods plan as I want the best in life as a daughter of the most high God. Anyways, in my mid twenties I seem to be progressing well except that finding a life partner hasn’t come to pass yet and I would love to find my ‘Adam’ and grow with him,..soon. However, I will wait on God to confirm to me my partner from wherever he might be from, in Gods time.

    I love you guys and let us continue to pray for one another and sharing the truth.

  46. Katie said,

    Beloved Heart,

    This has been one of the most profound, informational and helpful articles on Biblical Courtship I have found. I am very much appreciative of the fact that you put a timeline, of sorts up.

    I am 19 and currently courting a gentleman who is 21 years old. We both feel that God intends for us to marry and we both are going to finish college first, so we can be prepared to serve God together in our lives.

    I have found your article to be very interesting and very helpful because as our relationship develops, we have begun to talk about marriage. I understand that we are both young, but that being said, God has blessed this relationship so very much and we have both grown deeper in His Grace and love.

    I want to thank you for putting this out here. Young women like me need to have some ideas on how to work in the relationship, because I believe it is the man who makes the initial contact. Very little scripture tells us women how to be of quiet and gentle spirit, as well as what a biblical relationship looks like. Paul gives us some ideas and images, but in today’s society, things are so much different.

    Prayer and blessings,
    Katie

  47. Yusef Brown said,

    hello,
    i’m 20 years old and i’m in a relationship with her for 4 years and i really really want to get marriage her and i don’t how to do it, i dont understand why i can’t tell say i want to marriage, all the time i want to tell her it never work why???? i believe that’s a man work to tell a woman that thy want to marriage i pray every time about it i even ask GOD why i’m like this, when i was in the world i can go up to a woman and say any thing if i want to, but for i went in to church i can’t do any of that why???? i love her so much.

    There was a day I went for a prayer I was told is the type that will not have one wife, the man said my future partner is around the corner that God will let me see him one day with prayer. av been dreaming of one man in my dream, he has all the qualities I want not being handsome but he is totally committed to Christ Jesus, that is the kind of man I want to stay with, He said in the dream that he loves me but I can’t say no, I woke up from my dream. pls tell me what to do now av told my guy to stay away for a while. i don’t no how to handle the situation

    There was a day I went for a prayer I was told is the type that will not have one wife, the man said my future partner is around the corner that God will let me see him one day with prayer. av been dreaming of one man in my dream, he has all the qualities I want not being handsome but he is totally committed to Christ Jesus, that is the kind of man I want to stay with, He said in the dream that he loves me but I can’t say no, I woke up from my dream. pls tell me what to do now av told my guy to stay away for a while. i don’t no how to handle the situation

  48. Travis said,

    I will say that this article concerning christian relationships is very informative. However, I will say that it doesn’t cover the most difficult feat in a relationship, temptation. I am not talking about strictly the sexual tension that is evident in every male/female relationship, but temptations involving and consuming life… Im talking about the need for attention outside of the relationship. Many males and females in a committed relationship are driven to provide drama. Drama meaning the need to inform close friends of the situation. Why cant a relationship ever just be… ok? I want to see an article that attacks those drives to be sexually attracted, to want to have sex with their partners, and where that line is drawn. So marriage is a necessity, but these days, its not, and its not socially acceptable to marry someone that you haven’t had sex with, or lived with. I want someone to biblically define a relationship with respects to today’s courtship rituals. I need someone to help me define what is expected of me as a man in a courtship role with a woman in today’s world. A woman with freedoms, expectations, dreams… what can I do to fulfill my role?

  49. Cherrie Lindsey said,

    Thank you, very informative!

  50. von said,

    A question:

    No relationship in the Scriptures followed anything like your steps. Does that worry you as far as promoting them? Would you be opposed to a marriage relationship that followed the models we see in Scripture?

  51. One of the most interesting and worth reading blog I read.

    • Byakuya Jojo said,

      I agree. I’ve been searching abour courship and this is the best that I have read. :)

  52. Greger said,

    Thanks for this highly informative post on Christian dating and relationships.

  53. Melvin said,

    for your reading pleasure

  54. A lot of thanks for your own labor on this blog. My mum loves working on internet research and it’s simple to grasp why. My spouse and i learn all regarding the lively method you create important thoughts through your blog and in addition welcome response from visitors on that area of interest then our favorite child is now studying so much. Take advantage of the rest of the year. You’re carrying out a fantastic job.

  55. Greetings! This is my 1st comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and tell you I genuinely enjoy reading through your articles. Can you suggest any other blogs/websites/forums that cover the same topics? Thanks a lot!

  56. ashy symz said,

    i loved this site. It gave me insights as to how to direct my relationship. My partner has awakened something that had been missing in us. We really overlooked the importance of God regardless of the time he has allowed us to spend together so far. I thank her for informing me about the difference between love and lust. Christian courtship and dating is indeed the way. Let us pray for guidance from the Almighty. He knows how to help us. I love you Lord.

  57. mighty said,

    Oh my God this website… really it is a blessing to me! God bless u and help you as you contiinue ministering to us. i like the stages.

  58. moses madaki said,

    nice write up there….we need more of such in the Christiandom today…

  59. The contents are cool and very useful….

  60. Jo said,

    I say exactly what Travis said back in August. Travis, did you ever get a response to your comment or find insight elsewhere?

  61. lorraine said,

    I believe that this can be a guidleine for some not all. For example stage 1. The fantasy stage. Yes this can happen but is everyone going to go into the fantasy stage for 1=6 months , I don’t think so it depends on what we have our minds set on. If it is on the Word and what God desires and if we have the mind if christ concerning a relationship. How can a christian live in a fantasy anyway are we saying that at this point nothing is real. Are you saying that when Isaac met Rebecca that was the fantasy stage and they were not in a real relationship ? There are no hard fast rules as far as stages. It is staying in fellowship with God and following God’s Word.

  62. kitty said,

    i dont no wht i am supposed to do. i am truly in love, yes actual love, with a guy. i no he wld lik to go further and i do to. rlly rlly badly. not sex neither of us wnt to at the moement and in our positions in our schooling; but intmincy. and with all the pressures of evry day life wht shld i do? i have kissed him, never french, but i feel guilty. i hav known him for 6 yrs but in our sittuation neither of us are in the spot for marriage. i also no him thru my church & we do most of our activities together @ church. do u believe god is disapointed in me? and when ever i feel bad i always repent. plz help
    in his love,
    ~wht to do…..

  63. Bolar said,

    Hello,

    I recently met a Lady through a friend who first ascertain her seriousness. After being friend with her for 2 months I felt comfortable with her style and disposition. I discussed alot of my life with her during this 2month period and she also does same. She first likes to go into relationship with me before I even asked her out, so I got answer almost immidiately. However, just 6 days after she consented I directed a question to her so straight that has she ever had sex beofore and she said yes , that it happened twice.
    I do not have problem with her not being a virgin, but one of my problem was that I asked this question stylishly while we are still friends and she did not mention it(I asked her are you sure there is nothing about you that you are holding back that can make me not to want to go into relatioship with you? and she said no) . Another occassion I asked her about her relationship with her former fiance who still call her everytime that he want to marry her and she did not tell me that they had sex togther. (I said are you sure there is nothing between you guys other than being angaged together and she said nothing). It was this guy that disvirgin her- she was unknowingly giving alcoholic wine to drink in a party and she lust her consciousness and the guy disvirgin her. then after 6months she went to the guy place to sleep over and the guy while she had slept, the guy off her and slept with her again though she claim she bite the guy immidiately she was penerated and got out of the house.
    Now this is my challenge: The lady did not tell me while I was asking and I just get to know 6 days after I propose to her and she gave me her consent.
    2) I am afraind of her value because if a guy did that to her first time I dont think she should go to that person’s house again to sleep over.
    3)Thirdly, the guy still keep calling her that he want to marry her and that she should come and get the money for wedding gown.
    4) Though I prayed before going to her and I have peace in me…. There was an invent that speaks volume to me…. the first Time I wanted to go and propose to her, I did not tell her that I will be coming so I wanted to make it a surprise , I went with a flower but when I got to her house I met her absent and I called her and it happened that we couldn’t see and I have to go back. After getting home I begin to ruminate that this seems like God speaking and don’t want her for me, so I took time to Pray for more than a week and I did not get anything contrary though I still wonder about that event of not meeting her. Then I informed her of my coming second time but I decided not to go with flower and something just said it in me that day like may be she is not the owner of the flower so I went there and she agreed.

    When I now get to know of her state, that begin to bring all the pre-proposition events to my mind and I cannot even eat and my leg is shaking , am not happy, I read my bible and cannot assimilate, I was not able to sleep all through the night because I dont know what to do. I don’t what to discuss it with people bcos it is her personal life and eventually If I should marry her I would not like many peoiple to know that, 2.Am afraid she will be devastated if I tell her I want to break it and her work may be affected. Please I need counsellining

  64. Lillian Mattey said,

    Christian means belonging to Christ and that means u have sibmitted yourself for God will in ur life. This means that God does most of the work preparing the two that HE has chosen to be a team for his purposes. There are three stages to marriage, engagement-lawful marriage- and closing ceremony. During these three stages God prepares the two. If feelings of lust(freakyness) come between the two they should pray about it and practice self control. They can do this with the strength of God that the have greatfuly accepted through continual prayer and bible study. Dating is a Desperate Attempt To Interact Neglecting God. The luke warm would not know this because they arry rather for their own desire than to fulfill Gods will as a soul gaining team. In these three stages A CHRISTIAN MATURE IN SPIRIT, is deemed as prepared to be prepared, and God will do things in the way he chooses to prepare these two individuals that are already equaly yoke in Christ to live a life full of joy and fulfillment serving the Lord and keeping busy.

  65. Lillian Mattey said,

    Christian means belonging to Christ and that means u have sibmitted yourself for God will in ur life. This means that God does most of the work preparing the two that HE has chosen to be a team for his purposes. There are three stages to marriage, engagement-lawful marriage- and closing ceremony. During these three stages God prepares the two. If feelings of lust(freakyness) come between the two they should pray about it and practice self control. They can do this with the strength of God that the have greatfuly accepted through continual prayer and bible study. Dating is a Desperate Attempt To Interact Neglecting God. The luke warm would not know this because they arry rather for their own desire than to fulfill Gods will as a soul gaining team. In these three stages A CHRISTIAN MATURE IN SPIRIT, is deemed as prepared to be prepared, and God will do things in the way he chooses to prepare these two individuals that are already equaly yoke in Christ to live a life full of joy and fulfillment serving God with graditude.

    • Godgavemeyou said,

      YEs. God united man and woman for a great purpose. To fulfill His promise to ABraham. Isaac, Jacob, David and and for all His children forever. It is in this unity that we can give a picture on how Jesus is ensaparable to the Church as His bride. May we be enlightened and be inspired of the Lord’s example for us. AMEN.

  66. Byakuya Jojo said,

    I don’t like it…. I LOVE it. :)

  67. Azuka Ebere said,

    I love this write up. I believe that these stages if followed well will provide bases for solid relationship n enjoyable marriage. With this you wont have 2 marry a stranger!

  68. faithLOVEhope said,

    This website and advice is a blessing.

    I wanted to get someones insight on my situation. I am a christian single serving in my church. Iam 26. I have been in a courtship with a christian single who also serves in church. he is 39. Never benn married and no kids..we get along amazing together…We have been together for 3years.we are the best of friends we have talked about marriage and family..we want the same things in our walkwith God and for our family…but its coming to a point where i am getting angry that he hasn’t made that commiment to me yet. where we our getting into arguments bcuz he thinks all i care about is getting married. But he doesnt understand that i love him and i want to start our life together. I dont know what to do…marriage has become such a negative topic that there is no romance or anything sweet correlated with it. i love him so very much and respect him and would do all i can to be the woman he needs by his side. Ive cried out to God to give me patience..bcuz i do trust he knows the desires of my heart. But how long is too long to wait. Another side question. Ive gone to christian singles conferences and some say there is that 1 person God has for u.and then others say there are many candidates. What is ur belief in that topic. Does the bible reference any of those points.

  69. [...] STAGES in Christian Dating/Courtship Relationship « Beloved Heart …May 30, 2010 … Christian Courtship: Asking the Girl Out. "Alright…you talked in your post of asking the girl’s father when you ask a girl on a date. What is the … [...]

  70. Prince madutex said,

    I really appreciate the writer of this christian article which has helped so many christian youths to repair damages caused as a result of filthy relationship…God bless u man of God and i pray more grease to ur elbow..pls how can one know his right wife,send to my e-mail address maduabuchiprince@yahoo.com

  71. Preston said,

    Ive been dating my girlfriend since July 2011, we got serious in August. Well things were going smooth, and on October we were looking at rings, she bought a dress. She’s 28, I’m 35. I’m her first boyfriend, and I’ve been single for 5 years. We are both Christians, but im realizing that I met her possibly out of Gods will. I backslid a little before i met her by not reading scripture, going to church and not attending my singles ministry group. Well in Janurary, I frozed up it was like a wake up call. Since then I’ve lost my peace about marrying her, I love her, I enjoy being with her, but every time she pushes for marriage and me to propose, I get a knot in my stomach. Did God close a door? I’ve renewed my relationship with Christ, following Him. I’m praying more, going to church more, reading more, etc. But I still feel like this may be a wrong decision. Any advice? Im confuses, i dont want to lose her but i that might be the best. Pray for stregnth for me. Thanks.

    • Preston said,

      I just wanted to add that we tried to put a boundary on making out, it would get to the point of rubbing each other with clothes on. We stop when we realize when we are doing wrong but it has happened a lot. Do you think God would close a door because of that?

  72. I do not even know how I ended up right here, but I thought this submit was once great. I don’t recognise who you might be however certainly you are going to a well-known blogger in case you aren’t already. Cheers!

  73. John said,

    I’m in a tricky situation. I’m a 32 year old male and find myself being led into a relationship with a woman much younger than I. Without going into detail, there are certain events that have come to be telling me without a doubt that this is Gods will. The problem lies with the disapproval from her parents because of the age difference, and was wondering if there was anyone in this situation, or just any advise at all on how to approach this…

  74. Reblogged this on Soul Reflections.

  75. Elizabeth Velez said,

    I am eager to find out how this dating service will help me to become a married woman and if it works well for me I would like to take it further for my children.

  76. badu hanna said,

    God bless u with your teachings abt this topic.I really appreciate it.

  77. sarah said,

    Good speech sir/ma, more strenght.

  78. yetunde said,

    Indeed I was blessed, I will try as much as to make my relationship follow each stages to have a Godly home. Because that is my desire.

  79. zephyra said,

    hi…i was having dilemma on a dating problem…then i prayed to God to lead me to a site that can help…THANK YOU SO MUCH for being God’s instrument…

    just one question how can you know that a person is REALLY God’s will for you? i dont want to sugarcoat my thoughts with this certain christian friend of mine…that even though he is a christian he’s got the upper hand…i still want to have someone who is MATURE enough and can make me LOVE my God more…coz the more we talked…usually its not romantic its more about CHRIST and his activity in the church and spiritual growth , i am like liking him…and now i’m putting my feelings on hold because i want to know if he is God’s will or not….am i doing the right thing or am i taking him for granted? yes he has shown interest on me previously when he was not a christian yet and i rejected him…and months past we are talking again…and i am surprised because he has grown spritually…he hasn’t shown any interest on me anymore romantically… i’m kind of missing him because he can somehow help me straighten out certain issues concerning faith…i hate having these feelings for him…

    thanks and God bless…

  80. Nesta said,

    Thank you so much, your Christian guide really feels most comfortable for me.

  81. Mariam said,

    hey guys need your help there is this guy who connected to me by autual family frd we have not see each other for three weeks now we only talk on phone he is proposed to to be his gal frd after one week of talking he says he feels even he has not seen ma face am the woman he wants to marry becoz the family frd told him each ad everything. personally i have been praying to God to bring some one in ma lyf ad i accepted his request to be his gal frd with the intension of marrying each other. did i do wrong, was it to early for me to accept his request before meeting him. plz i i need you comments dera brethrem

  82. Bamidele Bola said,

    I need more guide

  83. tammy said,

    this is very helpful. Where do we draw the line when we are dating to avoid sexual sin, is touching and kissing inappropriate?

  84. thirteenfour said,

    Reblogged this on thirteen four and commented:
    Here is some solid advice for Christian dating!

  85. Christian dating… I mean holy dating is one of the needs of the Church today.

  86. Joy said,

    I love this! And i pray that God will help me keeg a good christain relationship because i just startd one.nd realy hav placed God as our foundation.

  87. Keep in touch with the word of God more and let the inspirition dewel in you. My question is this 1 is a christain and the other as well both are dating families want you around the guy itself want you around and he said sex befor marriage what will you do

  88. Reuben said,

    Thanks and God bless,I’m courting and have gotten enlightened.

  89. dramaqueen! said,

    I am 16 years old and I have a guy that I was dating we got into some texting grossness and were made to break up. I feel like I love this guy and my mom made it very clear that we are not allowed to talk to each other at all. It’s been 5 weeks since I have talked to him and I find out that from a mutual friend that he has bought me a promise ring for my birthday!! Here’s the glitch he is going away July 8 and not coming back until December! (My birthday is in August.) I want to honor my mom but I love this guy and don’t want to hurt him! HELP!!!!

    • Sharon said,

      That is not love sweetie. You are infatuated and that’s typically all that is at your age. I’ve been there and done that. You are way too young to be worrying about stuff like this. I know it is part of being a teenager but keep your attention on finishing high school with honors and start looking around for colleges. That’s where your mind should be.

  90. Koketso said,

    Thank you very much for this advice. God bless

  91. Confused said,

    I’m dating a Christian guy and think that he could really be the one for me. He is a leader in our fellowship and leads me spiritually as well as caring for me emotionally. We’ve both met each other’s families and have their blessing to continue dating in the hopes of marriage in the future. However, when I read your 4 stages post, I can’t help but think that in the beginning stages of our relationship, we may have rushed into things. We didn’t really have that long of a friendship stage before we started dating, and the first half year, we both had temptations with lust and holding our relationship as an idol. Since then, we’ve really worked hard to change that, setting boundaries for ourselves and spending more time apart to seek God separately. We are both seeking accountability from our Christian friends in our fellowship, and I think things have really improved!

    So my question is, can a relationship that started off badly still glorify God? And in order to do so, should we keep trying to pursue God together in our relationship, or should we step back and be friends and try to “redo” it the right way?

  92. edison said,

    this page is awesome, i like it :)

  93. Truth said,

    I am 17 years old and found a guy which i truely felt God predestined for me. GOD told me, him and my mentor that im not ready yet for dating and i respect that. So curently we are simply in a period of courtship. I desperetely want to do the right thing , but nowhere in the bible it teaches us about how to date and court? Whats the boundaries? Can u maybe help with some insight. Whats right and wrong? Do’s and dont’s ? Thank you xx

  94. Louis Holland Jr. said,

    Should a couple receive marital counselin before he propose?

  95. Kev said,

    I was surfing and i came through this site.I must admit its a gud one.I am in a relationship and we’ve been through quite alot of temptations like the premarital sex..We love each other deep down in our hearts…I want us to follow the true patterns of christianity in dating and relationships.So I need your advice.

  96. Happy Zhou said,

    What a great articles you’ve shared.

    I recently came out of a short relationship and the girl I was with, is the one who actually shared this article with me when we started knowing each other. Its funny how I myself, now write articles about my spiritual journey here on WordPress.

    This is after 21/2 months from the breakup. We met at my local church. Liked each other a lot. But the relationship didn’t turn out too well. We faught probably once or twice a week. I’d only known her go a month, and we started dating for another month and half until we broke up.

    During this time we had sex, a few times. But i had mixed feelings about the sex because i wanted a stable relationship, that grew naturally. Now let me say the sex just happened because we both got overexcited in the attraction stage (chemistry). But despite this the fighting was a bit too intense for a new couple. We just never seemed to agree. She has grown up into teenage without a father, her past has a couple of relationship heartbreaks that have killed her faith in men i believe. But she encouraged me to put God first in my life, and based on what i saw more than what i heard from her i could tell she was serious. I asked her to be patient about it but she kept pushing. I also asked her to be patient about our relationship, and to let it Grow naturally. She still wanted to talk about future and marriage even at an early stage. people are allowed to dream

    I am in the last semester of my degree, she finished uni 2years ago and works fulltime. We’re both 24. I still feel something about her is different, and she is somebody i would be happy marrying. I will admit i failed to lead her spiritually even though we went to church together nd for bible studies.

    I have renewed my relationship with God a few weeks after we broke up and I’ve been on it everyday since committing to God. I haven’t seen her since but we have spoken, i initiated for us to make peace by writing her a letter. Although the chemistry seems to have disappeared, i have a strong sense about her.

    I know you don’t have all answers but God does, do you think this is a soul tie, or it could work. The biggest problem where arguments, sometimes i think she has a lot of unresolved past that’s why we argued.
    However i am thankful that we broke up because i probably wouldn’t have discovered Jesus Christ if we hadn’t, because i prayed a lot after the breakeup. It was messy, backlashing messages.

    I hardly pray about getting back with her, but i pray to God for strength to get past it. But the thought of her doesn’t seem to Go away. What do you make of this? Is there something possible for me and her or am i just crying out of the fresh wound of a breakup.

    I haven’t met any girls since then…for the record, am i just out of options?


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 82 other followers

%d bloggers like this: