It’s easy to feel out of control as a mom when you let society’s pressures and other people’s agendas take charge of your life. But if you use your God-given ability to make wise choices, you’ll gain control so you can live the abundant life God wants for you.

Here’s how you can run your life so it doesn’t run you:

Stay in touch with God. Every day, stay connected to God through prayer. Get to know His voice speaking to you and make it a habit of asking Him for guidance before making decisions. Ask God to reveal His vision for your life, and help you clarify your values. Make time to reflect regularly on how God is working in your life.

Discover who you are. Get to know and affirm who you are as a unique person. Recognize clearly what you stand for, and what you won’t stand for. Figure out your central passion and greatest strength, and use that information to make choices that bring out the best in you. Ask God to give you the confidence you need to make smart decisions. Don’t compare yourself to other people and the decisions they make; feel free to make choices that are right for you, no matter what other people think.

Make decisions wisely. Constantly ask yourself what you will do with your life in light of your faith. Keep your vision and values in mind, and as you make decisions, discern whether or not each choice will help you stay true to them. Understand your own motivation before making decisions. Be proactive about making decisions, realizing that if you don’t decide when faced with a choice, that in itself is a decision to just let your life control you. Stay focused on God’s intentions for you and avoid getting tangled up in society’s demands and expectations.

Think healthy thoughts. Pray for the Holy Spirit to renew your mind so you can get rid of unhealthy thoughts and think correctly about God, yourself, and others. Embrace the truths about God in the Bible. Think the best about yourself as one of God’s children. Pay attention to how you talk to yourself in your mind, and replace negative self-talk with positive self-talk. Pray for the peace that only God can give.

Celebrate your uniqueness. Instead of comparing yourself with other people or competing with them, embrace the distinctiveness of who you are and be content with that. Remember that God has unique purposes for you and your family to fulfill. Live in the present. Stay focused on what you really want to do, rather than what other people want you to do. Find creative ways to celebrate the unique qualities about you and your family’s unique culture, such as by going out for ice cream or taking a hike together.

Call out the best in your kids. Decide to teach your kids how to make smart decisions. Start by accepting them for who they truly are – not just who you want them to be. Let your kids know that you appreciate them for who they are instead of just what they do. Mention specific traits and passions you recognize in your kids that make them special people to you. Help them discover and articulate their vision and values, and focus on how they can contribute to the world right now instead of waiting until they’re grown up to contribute in significant ways. Be willing to let go of your kids more and more as they grow older; help them become independent. Respect and honor your kids. Look for God’s Spirit inside your kids and affirm God’s work in them.

Take care of yourself. Give yourself the foundation you need to make healthy choices by taking care of your health – spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Remember that God highly esteems you; let that knowledge motivate you to care about yourself. Ask God to help you make choices that will bring you energy (such as pursuing a creative project) and avoid choices that will drain your energy (such as gossiping about other people). Look at your daily routine and pay attention to how you could change it to incorporate more healthy choices (such as drinking water instead of soda or spending time in prayer instead of watching an extra television show).

Laugh. Recognize that laughter will help you live in a state of grace that will enable you to make wise decisions. Allow humor to give you a clear perspective on stressful situations. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Learn from your mistakes and don’t be afraid to laugh at them. Laugh with your kids and enjoy the time you have together. Let laughter dispel your family’s fears and refresh you all.

Play. Realize that play will rejuvenate you and improve your perspective on situations so you can make smart choices. Give yourself permission to rest and relax. Trust that God is in ultimate control of your life, so you can let go of your concerns long enough to play with your kids on a regular basis. Ask God to help you see the world through the eyes of your children and feel carefree. No matter what your circumstances, choose to be joyful instead of giving into stress.

Don’t hesitate to say “no” when you should. Never let guilt, anxiety, comparison, or competition cause you to accept an invitation to do something. Instead, examine your motives whenever someone asks you for a commitment of your time, energy, and talent. Continually ask yourself why you’re considering the activity, event, or project. Understand that there will likely be many good things you need to say “no” to because they simply don’t align with God’s plans for you right now. Don’t take on responsibilities that aren’t yours to take on. Trust that, if you’re not meant to do it, the person asking you will find someone else who can help. Don’t feel obligated to give a reason to people when you decline their requests; simply decline with a firm graciousness. Enjoy the peace that comes from making wise choices.

(Excerpt from Parenting Article “Moms: Take Charge by Making Smart Choices” by Whitney Hopler)