Why The Woman Should Let The Man Be The Pursuer

June 10, 2010 at 7:38 pm (Dating, Relationships, Thoughts)

As much as western thinking would like to believe that in this twenty first century the playing field between the sexes is leveling, the fact is men and women do have fundamental differences that are meant to compliment each other in an interdependent way, and there is no clearer demonstration of this than in the rules of courtship.

When it comes to true love between a man and a woman, the process of discovering, and realising that love happens somewhat differently for both. Deep down, every woman wants to be romanced, she wants to be properly wooed, sought after, admired, desired, cherished, her heart won over by the man she desires.

For men it is the opposite. Men being highly competitive with each other, it is important for them to win and this is no more important for a man than when it comes to the woman he really wants to be with.

A man has to feel like the woman he desires is special, that she values herself, that her affection is not loosely given, that it is selective and must be won. A woman who demonstrates these qualities gains respect from all men, but she is a major turn on to a man seeking a mate. It activates his need to win her over and he will do whatever he is capable of in aim of beating out all other possible suitors and winning her heart. It is a reaction in him. He becomes the hunter and pursues. The harder she is to catch, the more he will value her when he does, and the greater his thrill will be in being with her.

If a woman does not allow a man to win her in this way, if she makes herself too easy, too available, if she is the pursuer, she might be successful in establishing a relationship with him (a woman signalling that she is available to a man is generally not rebuffed) but the man she pursues won’t view her as a prize, or long term relationship material. He doesn’t value her in that way, because he didn’t have to win her, and a relationship founded on this beginning, is flawed because neither will have the confidence that they got the best deal with each other.

By chasing him, she will never have the romance and courtship she needs to develop strong emotional security with him, she will never be really sure how much he desires her, or how much he values her because he never had to prove it, he didn’t have to work for her. In his case, his sense of desiring and wanting her never got to intensify as it would have if he’d pursued her. By making herself freely available to him, by pursuing him, she has in essence cheated him of winning his prize and so it is easy for him to value her less.

For anyone man or woman who is seeking the best possible outcome in romance, the odds will be stacked in their favour where he pursues and she encourages him with signals indicating that he can win.

Source: Why The Woman Should Let The Man Be The Pursuer


  1. Sunflower said,

    Excellent post! I agree on all the points. I’ve always thought the man is the pursuer, and when he is, the relationshp is stronger because he has proven himself; and that’s where the woman’s security is.Every woman wants to feel secure in a relationship. And the man who pursued her is most likely to not look for another. But if he doesn’t pursue the woman who loves him, it’s SO difficult on her part to leave him alone! Yet she should know that she will never feel loved enough as she would with a man who has pursued her!

  2. Shaneekea Ricketts said,

    very encouraging… I always wonder what am not doing.. Or what am I doing. I always think that men are to be the chasers but at times it feels like its not happening. This has opened my eyes. Thank you

  3. Raviro said,

    I made the mistake highlighted. Never pursue because you will truly never be sure that he cares. I regret pursuing. I ended up pushing away the guy who initially liked me. Good Godly advice.

  4. Julie said,

    Excellent advise. I have made my mistakes in the past of doing the pursuing only to end up with negative results. If he truely wants you, he will pursue you.
    Let me start by saying this: “If she’s amazing, she won’t be easy. If she’s easy, she won’t be amazing. If she’s worth it, you won’t give up. If you give up, you’re not worthy….

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